Grief in 2020: A Healing Process.
Experiencing grief and loss are common themes that are interwoven into our lives. The onset of this pandemic has not only given rise to loss of life but also affected our social connections, grieving traditions, financial stability, and sense of safety. Currently, the social aspect of how we grieve has been drastically altered increasing the suffering, fear, and distress for those affected. We normally grieve together, at times connected physically without words. We embrace each other and hold each other up. When a loved one is down we carry them through. What are the ways we can grieve now? What can help us? How can we help someone else?
What is grief?
Grief is a natural response to any type of loss typically associated with bereavement or the loss of a loved one. Grief is not limited to death, other examples of loss include (but are not limited to):
A break-up
Losing a job
Loss of health
Loss of “normal life” before the pandemic
There are 5 distinct stages of grief described by Kübler-Ross which are as follows:
Denial: “This can’t be happening to me.”
Anger: “Why is this happening? Who is to blame?”
Bargaining: “Make this not happen, and in return, I will ____.”
Depression: “I’m too sad to do anything.”
Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what happened.”
They do not have to all happen, nor are they experienced in a sequence. The universal emotions and stages of grief can challenge our mental, physical, emotional, spiritual, and social wellbeing. The American Psychology association points out while most people are resilient, others will need more support and some will need professional help.
Read more about the stages of grief and common myths and facts about grief here.
Ways to cope now: Staying connected: Seek support.
With restrictions in place due to COVID-19 you may feel isolated. Here are some things you can do right now!
Let people you are close with know.
It might sound simple but letting people know you are dealing with a loss and asking for support by keeping in touch by phone/video calls can be a good step.
Let them know when suits you to talk or express your emotions.
If social distancing regulations permit, plan a walk outdoors with someone to just “be” or “talk it out” can help.
Private social media groups can be helpful and a free way to create a safe place to grieve and connect with others.
Reach out to your spiritual community (if you have a preference) virtual spiritual services and counseling may be available from the comfort and safety of your home.
Start a grief journal
Try some gentle grounding movements. http://www.zestwellnesscgiblog.com/blog/2020/4/27/yoga-for-grounding
Focus on basic wellness goals such as sleep. Check out our tips for better sleep here. http://www.zestwellnesscgiblog.com/blog/2020/4/9/how-to-get-your-best-nights-sleep-even-in-a-pandemic
Grief Journaling
To aid in the natural process of healing with grief journaling is recommended.
What is a grief journal and how can it help?
We spoke about gratitude Journaling in our previous blog and how it’s helpful to process emotions and a great resource for managing anxiety. Journaling can also be used as part of the healing process during grief. If you have never used a journal before here are some tips to help you get started.
What exactly is a grief journal?
It’s simply a journal where you write or type about grief.
It doesn’t have to be fancy. It can be a simple pen and paper, a notebook, or even on your computer. Some people e-mail themselves as a way to journal. Journaling can aid in positive psychology. A nice article on the benefits of grief journaling can be found here.
How do I use it? No wrong way.
Some people naturally find it “easy” to start writing freely; there is no prescribed way to write about your grief, how you feel, or your memories. There is no wrong way to write about your grief. Anything goes a single word, a poem, or just some thoughts or reflections.
I find it hard to get started; I’m not sure what to write? Tips to keep the writing flowing
Don’t re-read or spell check. Just continue to write.
Feel like you make a mistake, just leave it and continue to write.
Don’t over-think- your thoughts don’t have to be logical or make sense.
Sentence starters.
Some people may feel stuck and not sure where to start. Here are some sentences that can help you start describing and exploring your grief in a journal.
This is what I would like to say to you....
I remember when...
My happiest memory of you is...
The things my relationship with you have taught me are…
Find this helpful? Check out 21 grief journaling prompts here.
How to not let your journal gather dust. Make it a routine.
Keep your journal accessible.
Be patient with yourself. There is no “normal timetable”.
Set aside some quiet time on a regular basis to gather your thoughts and put them in your journal.
Include time to have some relaxation before and after your journaling, relaxation breathing can help to gather your thoughts.
Create a space that’s comfortable for you, light a candle, and listen to music if you like.
Complicated grief: When to seek professional help.
Due to the complex circumstances and impact of the pandemic surrounding grief, complicated grief may be experienced.
Research from Journal of Counseling and Psychology explores bereavement and describes grief as a “natural process of emotions” but highlights that “complicated grief” requires the attention and support of mental health professionals.
Signs of complicated grief include:
Feeling like life isn’t worth living
Wishing you had died with your loved one
Blaming yourself for the loss or for failing to prevent it
Feeling numb and disconnected from others for more than a few weeks
Difficulty trusting others since your loss
Unable to perform your normal daily activities
Our previous blog contains resources for mental health and lists free mental health support available in your jurisdiction at this time. It is important to seek help if you or someone you know is showing signs of complicated grief.
